Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize