I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Be still, my beating vagina.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
