I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
