This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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