Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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