I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
