So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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