We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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