So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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