My friends, they love my intelligence
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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