I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize