Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
