I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
