you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
