I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
