there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
love makes seman taste better
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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