I think im going to throw up on grandma
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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