He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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