You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
