no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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