Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
