The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
