i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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