The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
