Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Dear god my vagina.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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