Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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