I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
