i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
