I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Randomize
