No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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