And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
