Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
