before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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