but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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