i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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