theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
