Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
