a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
