there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize