True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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