We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
