Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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