My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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