these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
