Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize