she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
