i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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