i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
