I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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