this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
