she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
