Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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