I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
