I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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