Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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