Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
