I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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