Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize