im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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