How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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