HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
