and you said cock pushups were impossible
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
