where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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