I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
