i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sext me about skeletons
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
