I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
