Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
