I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
