I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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