i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
