i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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