you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
