He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
