i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
