We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
