Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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