Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
