he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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