so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i drank out of a bidet.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
