he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
