Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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