I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
