If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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