I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
