Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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