Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
