please come you make the beer taste better
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
