I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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