I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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