and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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