Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
