I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
