I cockslap morals
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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