Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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