eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
