Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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