He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
