real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
