Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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