Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
