You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
