Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
