We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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